I just saw a hot homeless man
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
