Already got asked if we're dating
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
