remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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