I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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