you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
