I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
