So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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