Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
