I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
