I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
