You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
