Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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