When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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