is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
