i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
