Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
