Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
