I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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