I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
