According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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