he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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