saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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