i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
