I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
