My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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