The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize