I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
