I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
