Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
