Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
