I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
