her vagine was all disorganized.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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