hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
