i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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