i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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