I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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