false alarm. still invincible.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
