He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
