Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
