so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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