I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
