the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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