Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
