yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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