youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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