Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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