whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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