Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
