Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
