So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
