So drunk its hurt
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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