He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
