Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
