I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
