I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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