New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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