Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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