You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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