I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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