I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
