I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
