why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
