based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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