We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
only you would photoshop your dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
