don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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