apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
