ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Congratulations! We have a period
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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