My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
