I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
