3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
