if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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