Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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