How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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