under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize