Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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