No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
