last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
