nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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